Stand Amazed

I don’t really know how long forever is
But that’s how long I’m gonna give my life
Everything I face, it tries to tear me down
No I won’t back away from the sacrifice
I won’t forget what you’re love means to me
You’re always there to light my way

When all the lights go down and the world is quiet
No one is around
I wanna be the same man that will serve you then
Like I serve you now
That my convictions never change
O let my need for you remain
As real as the moment I was saved
I will always stand amazed

Sometimes my heart desires such selfish things
When the moment comes help me to trust
Something better that you have for me
If I could just hold on to you enough
I won’t forget what you’re love means to me
You’re always there to light my way

You will be my strength when I am weak
When I wanna give in and not turn the other cheek
Let this be the prayer that I speak
That I speak

The Weakness In My Strength

Dear Jesus,

I feel like a fool.

I feel so unworthy and undeserving as I go about it everyday.

I feel as if I'm not making the most of what you've given me, and I can't bring myself to understand why.

Dear Jesus,

I'm talking about the friends you've given to me, but I'm sure You knew that already.

Somehow throughout the course of my life I've not been able to cherish those who mean so much to me.

I've not been able to do the things that stereotypical "great" friends do, and on the contrary, most of the things I do are so shitty compared to what they've done for me.

Sometimes when the fault is so much mine I try to reason that it's not at all, that maybe they are the ones who need to consider themselves.

Dear Jesus,

I feel like a downright hypocrite.

Why do I go on doing this even in the face of true friendship shown to me? Such friendship that I never knew nor ever believed existed till I experienced it?

I seem to be everything that is an antonym of altruism.

Do I pursue friends for the purpose of my own gain??

The closer I get for the more they could help me?

I don't know.

On one hand it does, yet on the other hand it doesn't.

Dear Jesus,

I feel so much like a Judas right now.

I'm apparently so much thirsting after You, being in Your presence and worshipping You, yet will I turn away at what the world offers?

Would I betray my friends for selfish ambitions and personal gain?

Will I just become one of the world in all her foolish and wicked ways?

I don't know.

I really don't want to but I don't know.

Guess this is what they call the ever constant temptation of the world.

Dear Jesus,

Could it be because of my upbringing?

That I never had friends who really cared and shared with each other till mid-sec school?

But even then, I've been given plenty the chance to learn, very many times.

Can I say then that it's because the kind of close friendship that was shared was one that didn't need much expression? Sort of an intuitive kinda thing.

But as ever, I shoot myself in the heart.

I know that actions speak so much louder than words, and it's me who's not doing anything just about all the time.

shit.

Dear Jesus,

It's so enticing to say that You don't really understand me at all, that You haven't been through what I've been through cos You've lived Your life differently and are of no help to me.

But then I'd just shoot myself again.

You had it the worst.

I guess the only difference between the two of us was that You chose to give each and every single time without fail.

And I didn't.

You knew exactly why You did everything.

I don't know why I'm doing anything, given that I do anything at all.

Dear Jesus,

What will become of the future?

Will I just leave so many friends behind like I have in the past?

Will I just let them slide away because of my ignorance?

Will I even care??

Will I be hated?

Will they forgive me?

Will You forgive me?

Dear Jesus,

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't.

I need to not think so much; to think less, and to do more.

Somehow I always think of the worst, and that brings me to do and not do so many things that move me in the wrong direction.

Dear Jesus,

Will you please show me what to do?

please

The Inscription of Hope

His rugged back ached as he pressed his frail frame back against the wall. His hands - young and tender, trembled uncontrollaby as he tried to grip the dusty floor beneath him. His clothes - tattered, torn and dirty, couldn't provide any more solace than the thick smell of alcohol that saturated the air about him in that dark, damp and cold cellar.

His heart would skip a beat each time he heard a gunshot. They seemed to be getting ever closer; ever seeming to burst through the door any moment and down the stairs toward him. He wanted so so much to be in the arms of his father, to hold him just once more and know that he was secure, but as much as he wished, he knew it was impossible.

All he could recall was being violently awoken by his older brother who carried and thrust him into the basement before locking the door from the outside, leaving him dazed and confused as he tried to make sense of what was about him.

"We'll be back for you, I promise."

Those were the last words he ever heard his brother whisper.

He couldn't understand, he never was told much. As the days passed, the glow in his father's eyes ever seemed to fade. Even his mother gradually lost the exuberance and positiveness in her being, and though she told him everything was alright, he knew it wasn't. Thoughts flooded his mind as the tears poured down his thin, angular cheeks. He couldn't explain the tears, but somehow crying was all he wanted to do.

The entire house suddenly erupted with commotion as he was jolted back into reality. Shots rang out all over the place. Screaming unlike anything he had ever heard ensued. All to distinctly, he knew it was his mother.

Rage filled his body, he wanted so much to save his mother from the agony. She was old and weak, how could they do such cruel things to her?? But yet the fear of everything kept him frozen in the corner.

The shout that he had inside of him escaped as a bare whisper, even his vocal chords seemed to have broken as all that came out was a harsh burst of air.

"ma...ma...."

Tears afresh poured from his eyes, now red and bloodshot from crying. He was young, he couldn't do anything against the millions of German troops out there. He hated it. Why was he so small? Why was he so weak??

Why was he a jew?

The noise abruptly subsided after a few more gunshots. He waited for what seemed like an eternity before crawling his way to the cellar door.

"papa...?"

The eerie silence was all that answered him.

He knew it. He knew what had happened, as much as he refused to believe it. They were gone, all of them. All of them.

He slumped back against the wall in anguish but there were no more tears to be shed. His eyes were already dry and hurting like crazy. And in that moment of utter despair and pain, the teachings of his Sunday School teacher came to him.

"and never forget, God is with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. He loves you."

There then in the deepest moments of his life, mustering what strength he had left, he took a chalk, drew the star of David, and below it wrote what today is known as the Inscription of Hope from the Holocaust.

These were the words that were found:

I believe in the sun,
Even when it is not shining.

I believe in love,
Even when there's no one there.

I believe in God,
Even when he is silent...


Do you believe?

a shift in paradigms

Hi guys, I just wanna say that I'll be posting here very rarely from now on.

I don't use my computer on weekdays anymore, so my weekend time is spent catching up on anime and manga and web news and blogsurfing and whatnot that I used to do on weekdays.

Oh and also, I've decided to create a much more personal webspace for my self to pen my thoughts on everything, mainly about my lovelife though I guess, but other things like studies and beliefs and stuff as well.

It could be said that this blog will soon be dead, but it depends on a huge variety of factors; human constraints and the like.

I'm not going to tell you what or where my new space is, cause I'm not going to pour out my heart to freaking just about everyone.

You can ask though, if you feel that you're not the same to me as everyone else. But please do only if you know that, I don't wanna have to say no to anyone.

You can try finding it, but then again, you'll never know it's me.

Cheers.

into Your hands.. i commit again

Father, I'm scared.


The fear grips me each day.

I'm scared of failing.

I'm scared of falling.

I'm scared of disappointing.

I'm scared of being less than what You want me to be.

I'm scared of being nothing.

I'm scared of losing.

I'm scared of the A Levels.


Father, I'm scared.


I'm scared that I can't take it.

I'm scared that I'll just give up.

I'm scared that it'll be too hard.

I'm scared that I'll bring my own downfall.

I'm scared that I'll fail again, and again...

I'm scared that I'll fall flat of my expectations for the third time running.

I'm scared that I'll be looked down upon.

I'm scared of not being adequate enough.


Father, I'm scared.


I'm scared that the path ahead is too steep.

I'm scared that all my life I'll be taking the easy way out.

I'm scared that I'll always have to depend on others.

I'm scared that I'll be too distracted.

I'm scared that this is the end of my dream.

I'm scared that I won't be able to manage everything.

I'm scared that I'll be the last few.

I'm scared that I just can't do it.

I'm scared that I'll be crushed.


Father, I'm scared.


I'm scared of the future.

I'm scared of where I'll be.

I'm scared of what I'll be.

I'm scared of who I'll be.


Father, I'm scared.


I need Your divine strength.

I need Your divine wisdom.

I need Your divine knowledge.

I need Your divine understanding.

I need Your divine perseverance.

I need Your divine mercy.

I need Your divine help.

I need Your divine joy.

I need Your divine peace.

I need Your divine love.


I need You.


Father, I need to not be scared.

That's why I'm committing myself into Your hands again.

For I don't want to do anything by myself anymore.

I can't do anything by myself.

Only in You are all things possible.


Father, because of You, I won't be scared any longer.


Amen.

would you take what you need? but take less than you give...

I've recently come to be aware of something about me I can't explain..

Well, yeah there are plenty of things but I guess this is the only different thing on my mind now..

Putting it simply:
- I have a knack to give to people who come along asking me for money [ be it tissue paper sellers at coffee shops, people doing flag day, or people who try to sell things for their organisation at mrts, particularly orchard]

Okay so maybe calling it a 'knack' might not be the best word, but for lack of a better one for now.

I'm saying this cause as I was on the way to my dental at Orchard after the uber long ocip meeting in school, [i wass late for my appointment already], as I passed the inner doors of the mrt station this young lady wearing a white blouse and jeans approached me.


"Excuse me sir, I'm from so & so and I would like to talk to you about our...."


Very nicely ignoring the fact that I had my earphones plugged in..

But anyway, I never have my music on very loud so I could hear her pretty clearly...

Well putting up my hand to gesture no, while ocntinuing to walk and trying to mouth no thanks, my eye caught sight of two words printed on the clipboard with the organisation papers she was half shoving into my face...

"blah_blah_organisation to help ex-convicts...."

Having noticed I actually took notice of her existence, and maybe cos the look on my face changed a bit, [and maybe because I felt it was plain rude to walk away while someone was talking to me], she sort of said in a fluster:


"will you just stop and listen to me..."


Okay, so maybe I should, and turn to look at her, noticing the green contacts she was wearing. Top marks for looking out-of-this-world I might say.

The look in her eyes too, one quite blatantly readable: Oh crap! Did I just push him too far by saying that?!?! Will it work this time!?!?

Then she went on to cyberspeed everything she was trying to do, her mission and whatnot; me being mentally burdened cos I don't like to be late and I just wanted to get his over with, so basically all I caught was:


".... you don't believe I'm an ex convict right???..... so & so helped me gave me an opportnity... would you like to help by purchasing a pen? [ahh here it is] only $2..."


Oh well.. since I stopped to listen to her, though not understanding anything, I might as well just pay for it... Besides, I did an entire PW PROJECT last year on helping ex-convicts, and I'd just be a plain hypocrite to not assist them now...

Well.. moving on from there, thoughts started flooding into my mind of stuff I've diliberated about over the years...


My mom always tells me not to donate to these kinds of people, preferring to donate straight to charitable organisations via check to their office or sth... and constantly shows me articles of how some people are actually fake and are there to bluff money away from me.. how they always come back to beg for more even though people have donated to them...

But this kind of goes against what I believe in... The Word.. and my heart...

To me it's like this... so what if they might be fake? And use the money for drugs or gambling or drinking?? I'll never know that fully right??

Who am I to judge if they are scheming or not?

And did not the Word say it is more blessed to give than to receive? And to give to the poor and needy??

Well they certainly look needy to me, and I don't recall Jesus turning any beggars away...

Yeah...

I don't know.. kinda cheesy to say this I guess... but my heart doesn't feel right when I walk by some person trying to get help, and the least I can do is to offer what I can... especially so when they make the effort to come personally to ask me..

That, for some reason, I can't turn away...


Pffft. Call me breakable, I guess...

and so the world is round

Alright. Guess I'm finally back.

Sorry for not being around for 186578936891274806130312 light years, guess my trip around the universe took longer than expected.

So, my music Red iPod Blog player is not working, guess I can't really complain about that... Well, now for just some things I brought back in my round-universe-trip.

I must say it's highly exciting to meet so many different type of people in my life. It does add quite a myriad of colour to my social circle which I must say expands faster then I'd like to go in depth to.

And I must say my heart is taking quite the journey in the dimension of love, or rather infatuations and liking for that matter, rollercoastering me left/right/centre/up/down/around... and it gets quite interesting sometimes, when I stop to think of the fickleness of the human emotion, how it can be so easily swayed... but...

I guess it's not right to jam the brakes just anywhere yet. Not for quite a while I think.

But aside from that I'm trying really hard to find myself now.

It's so easy to get caught up in so many things and lose track of what I really want to be, in life, in love, in God, to people...

And I get hopelessly lost sometimes, much more so than I ever have been when I was younger..

I guess I'm starting to understand some of the problems grown ups really face... those that I really couldnt put 2 and 2 together just 2 years ago.

And it doesn't help that the mountain of the A Levels in front of me is really hard to climb.

But oh well, no point treading the easy path when you can rock climb the most challenging route to the top, cos the easy path doesn't bring you there.

Haha I do realise I have been quoting quite a lot recently. I just like to say some things now, quotes or shout outs to people or just general sayings, and I'm not sure if anyone Great has said these things, but I don't care, I've come up with them. Whether or not it applies to me, you figure.


1) All is fair in the game of love and war. Some are just unlucky.

2) When you've liked whoever that is to be liked, you'll find you've liked none at all.

3) I'm looking for the one who's heart can ignite with mine; for God; for life.
Yours doesn't.

4) It would have been great if you changed without me having to tell you.

5) You're so fairytale it doesn't amaze me. [fairytales are meant to be amazing right?]

6) I don't know what's beyond the material you. Immaterial?

7) Excelling at anything involves you thinking really hard, save being stupid.

8) I've fallen enough times to stop short of landing my face in the mud again, but that doesn't mean I've stopped slipping.

9) Ignorance of wrong things is bliss. Ignorance of the wrong thing is not.

10) Don't you dare say I loved you. You don't know what love is if you think I did.

11) If you think you've met the right person at the wrong time, come back later to find out if you're right.

Okay that's all for now, till next time yeah?? Hope my quotes aren't cheesy XP
bye!

tml is the day!!!!!!

HELLO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




sorry about the long absence... i've been SUPER DUPER ULTRA BUSY!!!!!!!!!!





anyway.... i'll be going for Bintan CIP in June..





we'll be staying in some super cool resort....





actually i wanted to sleep under the stars....





but i guess a resort will be okay too haha.







may we trust each other to the fullest tml to give of our best...


sorry for the random face.. just felt like posting that.


lol.
and da ge makes his first appearance on xiao di's blog. =D

this is it...

I've got no halo on my head

You know, I was just thinking,

What did God make angels for?

If God truly is God, He would not be lonely.

If God truly is God, He can do everything by Himself and wouldn't need angels to do His bidding.

And when did angels come about?

Were they there since the beginning too?

Or did God make them just after the beginning?

Is He still making new angels now?

To look after new humans?

And what do angels really do?

Do they really have halos?

Do they have feelings?

And if they are always in awe and complete amazement of God's power and might, why do some of them fall?

Were they made to want power as well?

Did God make some angels stupider? Or smarter?

How many different kinds of angels are there?

Are there angel commanders/generals?

Do they have better rewards than the rest?

Or maybe just greater honour?

Do some have better weapons than others?

I know at least one carries a flaming sword.

And what are they made of?

Heavenly material, material that transcends atoms and quantoms so that they're all around us but just... invisible?

Or are they smaller than quantoms and our eyes are too blur to see them?

Or maybe they're made of smaller than quantom level material and they move around so fast that our eyes and even light can't catch them.

What does they're war cry sound like?

Is it crazily majestic?

Is it only made to shake heaven and hell and we don't feel it?

What are their wings made of?

How fast can they fly?

Can they teleport?

Or are they like God, omnipresent?

Or does God send them everywhere at His will?

hmmmm...

I have no idea why I'm asking so many things about angels..

Maybe cos I'm jealous that they don't have to take A Levels...

But I'm sure they got bigger things bugging them too..

I'm quite curios to find out what though.

Who knows, maybe one will visit me tonight.

Actually I think he's here, just that I can't see him.

Wait a minute... is it a he or she?

hmmmm...

(who is jin btw?)

If - by Rudyard Kipling

Hey people, here is a poem my brother left me as he goes off for 6 years of further studies. His leaving has made me realise how to world isn't a safe place after all.

I really encourage you to read this poem and to meditate on it truthfully, it really means a whole lot to me. Please take your time to read this. Yupp.


If


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;


If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;


If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

time really flies..

time really flies..

It's now the last time I'm celebrating Chinese New Year in a government school.

time really flies..

With the only vivid memory I had when I went on my first Holiday to USA, it seemed that I was only 2 years old yesterday.

time really flies..

I almost swore to myself not to forget how slowly secondary school passed by as I attended it day by day, but now I can't even remember how it was like.

time really flies..

When tomorrow I'd be waking up to play with my 9 year old brother, tomorrow he leaves for 6 years of further study.

time really flies..

i'm not fifteen anymore, my moment has passed.

time really flies..

I'm not young anymore, I'm old now. I'm almost and adult. Oh crap.

time really flies..

I don't wanna graduate, I wanna remain a JC kid forever and party and enjoy everyday I have.

time really flies..

My core group of friends in primary school are totally lost to me now, thankfully my secondary group is still very around.

time really flies..

We are still teens now, when tomorrow comes, will I be at your marriage??

time really flies..

Will we be meeting for dinner tomorrow to catch up and discuss how our children are doing?

time really flies..

Will you be at my child's wedding?

time really flies..

Will you attend my funeral? Or will I be at yours?

time really flies..

Will I meet you in heaven???

time really flies..

will I still know you tomorrow??

i don't know. i don't know. but I wish it so.

time really flies..

o.u.c.h.

Yoho~~!!!

So I'm finally back after quite a long hiatus haha.

Qian qian, I am going to poke you till you die on monday for your stupid antics on my tagboard!!!!

lol.

Anyway today during swim pe, I HAD A FRIGGIN CRAM !*$^*@!#)!@&*)!@^*)@!^#*)@&#)!!!!!!!

it was REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD!!

It was during water polo and I threw this long ball across the breadth of the pool to Brian, and while kicking myself up to thrust it my right calf CRAMMED!

I tell you it was so friggin tight, take your palm and squeeze it as hard together as you can.

That was how my muscle looked and felt like.

I've never really gotten a cram before till today.

I could almost die la...

It was really tight can... and it didnt go away for 5 minutes....

5 FREAKING MINUTES!!!!!

Swear words that I didnt know I had suddenly came out... which was not a good thing..

And the pain was seriously excruciating... it is still hurting now... I'm limp around my house can..

It took 7 full minutes of insane stretching to finally losen up my muscle... thankfully my legs are flexible if not I'd have died with the stretching.

Darn... hopefully i can recover by tmr.

Arugh... on a lighter note.. my frisbee improved quite a lot today :)

Esp my forehand, all thanks to the expert tutorage of LUO JINGWEI THE GODLIKE PWNER!!!!

Haha yeah and it really made a difference, now i can throw decent forehands!!!!

And so after school I practiced a while more with Jerome then we went to town together and walk here walk there for fun.

We took pictures with soft toys to amuse ourselves hahaha.

Yeah and that's all for today.

Till next time, enjoy the pics =)

(eh sorry jerome i wanted to pose your solo pic but i realise you were carrying something very very wrong that should not be shown on blogs haha)

the start of the mountain, the end of the enclosure.

oho~~!!

So I haven't blogged in quite some time oooops :p Thanks very much anyway to my classmate Chiang JiaYue for doing this very nice template specially for me :):):) Really appreciate it.

ah so many things have been happening, and i'm super excited and happy!!!!!!! For example: Juniors for KI, SA3 and CHOIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i really really want to live up to my seniors who touched me and inspired me so much last year, which seemed so ultra increduous which i only realise now, looking at the huge pile of work they had to balance!!

WAOW!!!!!!!!

But at the same time.... im also really worried about my work.. my math which is in such a toubled state.. all the revision for j1 i need to do.. my KI Paper 3 Project which i have to send in my proposal to Cambridge by the end of the month.. and face possible international rejection... with the econs to independently study on as well and chem...

T.T

err.. help?!?!?!??????

i really really cant afford to waste anytime this year.. in addition to songwriting and such, i really wanna be on fire both spiritually and academically and chorally, and i really want to go to Cornell to study. yeah i wasted my chances of taking SATs in the hols but i got plenty of chances more.

it's like... i havent got time for anything else.. or even to think about anything else... i guess i could always rationalise from my heart to tell my mind to be able to work out something but, at the cost of other things??

nono. not right now. things are going to change so much this year, im so very sure of that, and i want to wait for the year to pass first. i want to wait for God. i dont want to run in front of Him anymore.

i will however, try my best to keep as many friendships as close as i can, with all the new ones coming in soon = )

no, things can't. its not like i havent told you. sorry.

innamorarsi; essere innamorato

should i?

i'm thinking, there's just that too great a disaprity..

i mean...

yeah i guess if i tried i might actually be able to but...

would it just be obligation??

the more i ponder the more the variety the more enticing it gets, and maybe concurrently it 'apparently' seems to be the right/eous, thing to do..

but would i then be fooling myself??

would it make me anymore of fickle and trifling...

or rather would it be if i did so without thinking and just zeroing now?

hmm.

i dont know.

i always dont.

i just dont want to return to the way i was 2/3 years ago, when i happily went out and stabbed myself, oblivious to the signs.

okay maybe not only 2/3 years ago but maybe nearer too but hey, at least i've learned well and finally managed to convalesce. it feels great now, no more oddity.

or have i learned?

only time can tell wont it...

and i think ill follow time..

hopefully it doesnt do too much..

and likewise, hopefully it doesnt do nothing.

time..

wonder how much i've got left...

there was a story that i never did tell.

not here, not by speech nor conversation to anyone, no matter how close they were to me.

why?

maybe cos it left too deep a scar that i didnt wanna feel again;
maybe cos i was too embarrased;
maybe cos the memory was too painful to revisit;
maybe cos it'd make everyone think i was so stupid.

why i'm going to tell it now?

maybe i've gotten over it;
maybe i know it won't affect me anymore now.

i don't know.

this is the story, of why i hung up my tennis racket.


i know, i always told others that i stopped cos i wanted to focus my time and energy to the choir and my o lvl studies.


that was not a lie, but it wasnt the primary reason either, though it was a good reason.


as far as i can remember, i had no idea why i picked up tennis.


i just wanted to play a sport i guess, and since i wasnt too bad at badminton, i decided to try my hand at tennis.


soon i was taking tennis lessons at my club and became all ra-ra about it as i was able to pick it up pretty quick, this was around the end of p6 going into sec1.


my dad was a tennis champion at varsity level and he also became interested in playing once again when i picked it up and started to play.


i was really on a passion high then, putting in all my efforts to play and praying like mad that it wouldnt rain on sundays(my training days) and on school training days.


yes though sometimes i dreaded the tough training, i had to admit it kept me pretty fit and was really fun.


i still remember playing hard to get into the school team(though it wasnt too hard) and the disappointment and joy of losses/victories.


and our team, though still 4th place at the nationals, was never really good...


and i had to come to accept that hard fact sooner or later..


i was never a good player, and knew that i was never going to make it as a career, cos there were tons of players out there who had been practicing for so many more years who were so much better that i could ever be..


and i had to resign to the fact that i sucked. and to top that, i made some big mistakes that really got my coach upset too.


eventually our coach gave up on us and when to teach chinese high instead, who were even worse but apparently had players with better attitude, and we got a new coach who was just as good, if not better that the previous one.


the hope he gave us when he came in inspired me so much that i left choir for 3 months to focus on the national tennis season, since the choir didnt have an syf year and got all hyped up to play again.


that was the period wherei started watching alot more tennis and even tennis anime, and trying out new things with my doubles partner, and that year was really a good chance for us to go futher than ever with our team of good players.


however..


my biggest shame also surfaced then.


to begin, i was never really solid at the basics of tennis, the strokes and stuff, and had a lot of problems focusing on playing well when my coach was around.


it was at the jurong club tennis courts, where we were playing i think chinese high, that i really failed badly.


that i...


killed myself in tennis.


we played a really lousy opponent, and i played the worse i had ever played in my life.


i was able to play very well in terms of service in the first few games. my serves were really strong, till my coach came to watch my match. and i dont know why, but i just crumbled.


i just couldnt serve properly and ended up serving worse than a girl to get the ball in.


to top that, my forehand totally wasnt working at all, and i couldnt hit properly no matter how hard i tried...


and my partner and i still tried out a new formation that we were working on even though i was so lousy..


i can never ever forget the words my coach said to me after that, the words that left me broken:


"if not for ernest(my partner) we would have lost. do you know how shitty you played out there? the st patricks tennis team boys were laughing at you, saying how lousy you were, that playing you would be too easy! and worst of all, you had THE CHEEK to try out that formation!"


i couldnt take the pain for the rest of that day. i just was totally turned off.


and the match just before the semifinals, i got owned totally by the stpatricks guy.


i just gave up after that. told my coach that i wanted to drop out of the tennis team when the season had ended.


i attended the cca trainings for a while after that but just gradually stopped going.


all the cca records still appeared in my cca cert though, but to me, it was just a taint to make me never forget my horrifying experience.


since that day, i hung up my racket.


i never played hard again cos the memory would just come back.


i think ive completely lost all my skill now, not that i ever had very much, and although sometimes i still feel the urge to swing freely once again, i know i cant. time just wont allow me.


well lucky for me, ive got something else to focus on now, and i know now how never to end up where i was before.


this is the end of my story.


the one i never told, till now.

seasons blessings

the year is finally ending.

so many things have happened this year, and i shant try to list it down or it'll take me forever haha.

the memories are so vibrant and full, the experiences so unforgettable, from the extremely painful times to the bubble-bursting joyfullness and from the stoning/spacingout to the peaceful and more serene times...

each thing had its purpose in making my year that much more special..

and i have to say..

though i may have thought otherwise alot at times, the year couldnt have passed any other way better..

and it was perfect.

and i now know how much further i can go, and as long as i dont measure myself against anything, ill never stop.

i just wanna make a shoutout right now to everyone who has been such a blessing to me,

THANKS FOR BEING PART OF MY LIFE, I TREASURE EACH AND EVERY MOMENT SPENT AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU SO MUCH IN THE YEAR AHEAD!!!!!!!

away

hi. this is a bit of a song i wrote recently haha.
yeah.
its not quite done yet and the volume is really soft but if you can turn it up its quite clear.
hope you like it.
pardon the not so high quality.

p.s.:i like the intro :)

OKAY OKAY OKAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE MUSIC PLAYER HAS RAISED MY SONG BY A FEW KEYS AND MADE ME SOUND LIKE A SOUTHPARK/PUNKROCKCHICK VOICE IN ADDITION TO MAKING MY SONG 10 TIMES FASTER!!!

haha please pardon the player while i sort out whats wrong. but i must admit, this voice actually sounds quite nice and recorded hahaha. you should hear it. dont die laughing.

if you want the full chorus ask me and ill send you the proper version. yupp.

His gaze is out the window
But thoughts are far away
He may be with many people but his
Minds not there to stay

And he’s aware that he is barely there..
And he wonders why each hour, searching his heart and soul for why he doesn’t care

He wants to, run to the moon
Or rather, sink to the ocean floor just,
Run away, start anew
Far from all that’s real and true
Fly to a star, or maybe
Freeze in Antarctica just
Hide in a box, addressed to nowhere
Instead of facing what’s right there…

quote-tar

haha i came across some funny quotes that i'd like to share this post.


1) "Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replays in sports." - Rita Rudner


2) "Women really do want to be on time. It's just everything starts so darned early." - Sela Ward


3) "Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute." - Gil Stern


4) "If you're going to do something tonight that you'll regret tomorrow morning, sleep late." - Henry Youngman


5) "A critic is someone who knows the way but can't drive the car." - Kenneth Tynan


and the last one that I like the best,


6) "Whether I force myself to eat the onions or throw them sparingly away, the Africans would still be famished." - Claire Neubronner

- changemaker -

what does it take to change your world?

to be the change.

i'm not discouraged anymore, cos the message spoke right to my heart.

i've got to be bold.

i've got to make the prophetic moves cos if i won't, who will?

i once heard that it takes an average of 7 invites just to get someone down to church, and the probability of the person then coming to accept Jesus is rarely ever 100%.

but.

there still is the probability, no matter how small it may be, and the odds stack up to nothing against God+me.

i think i've only sent 3/4 invites so far??

so i guess i have no reason to be discouraged =)

i may be the most foolish person, but being foolish for all i stand for, for what's true, for what's holy, for what's changed my world and turned me upside down with unconditional love?

worth it.

every moment.

"plant the seed and God will do the rest.."

revival starts with me.

revival.

Father give me the strength not to be put down, to be one of the few workers who bring in the harvest, to change my world by being the change, to judge none but myself, to invite all for all are chosen, to never give up and to seek Your perfect counsel first; not by my might not power, but by the Spirit of God, for a generation that's lost that they shall find what their calling in life is; how differently wonderful the world is with You around.

Amen.

All Things New

Alright enough with the mundane stuff, YOUTHCAMP IS HERE!~!!!!!!!!!!

Haha it's going to be really hard to juggle choir practices with the camp schedule but I'll do it somehow =)))))))))))))

On a side note, I just updated my com with a new windows xprofessional sp2 FINALLY, and installed a 100 gig hard drive (nofairmybrohasa400gigone:(:() and with all the new additions my com feels pretty brand new.

INTERNET EXPLORER 7 TOTALLY ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha I totally love it! I think it owns mozilla firefox :P:P:P:P

It's really cool and easy to download from the website so you all should go try it out :)

Alright I don't really have much to say today, and I'm off to do some math and pack up for chem which started 4 hours ago.

Bye people!!!!!

from the inside out of my soul, cries out...

break-point

Isn't it funny how you never realise how fragile you were?


You think you are strong, able to hide behind a facade of self-ignorance, laughter and pride..


While at the same time subconsiously aware that you are selfish, irresponsible and an exploiter..


And how you arrive at break point suddenly when what built up over months and years suddenly explodes on you and causes you to implode...


And for those next few moments you feel like the shittiest most rotten undeserving garbage that isn't worthy of anything and the world would be better off without..


That's exactly how I felt yesterday..


I broke down..


Bad...


What I didn't foresee coming all at once plummeted me straight in the face, though it took some time...


And to be able to do naught but bury myself in my tee shirt, drenching it almost instantly with tears, mucus and saliva... in my own corner of the bed between sparoidic coughs and gasps of air..


And the weirdest part was... everything was right.


No false accusations...


Just oneself to blame and abhor..


At that point knowing the all to painful reality.. that I have to change.


I can't rely on others no longer...


It's time to get on my own feet and move ahead, this time helping others...


It's a cold and cruel world out there, and at some point no one is going to be able to be there for me... and to stand tall I have to start now.


Yes I am fully aware I have God too, I'll never forget that...


And yesterday after I finally managed to get a grip of myself...


I started worshipping...


I just played one song over and over again...


And started crying to the point that I was unable to sing and just let the music play on...


The song is "Forever" by Hillsong...


And I know that... God is forever.. forgiving and merciful... and I can't thank Him enough...



I'll worship at Your throne
Whisper my own love song
With all my heart I'll sing
For You my Dad and King

I'll live for all my days
To put a smile on Your face
And when we finally meet
It'll be for eternity

And ohh...
How wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
How far You would come
If ever I was lost...
You said that all You'd feel for me
Was undying love
That You showed me through the cross

I worship You my God
I worship You my God
I love You
I love You
Forever I will sing
Forever I will be with You
Be with You

And ohh...
How wide You open up Your arms
When I need Your love
How far You would come
If ever I was lost...

Gratitude + HILLSONG UNITED LIVE

I just want to thank the following people for making my 17th birthday the BEST one ever by far.


Sorry for the late expression of gratitude, cos I haven't had the time to do so and I just received my last present today!


1)To the Choir people, who either did the ONE HOUR TOO EARLY FAILED birthday sign in wish, or to those who smsed me:

~Sops: Wanling, Jessica, Cherie, Limin( Cute fan present), Colleen.
~Altos: Kerryn, Germaine, Leheng, Esther
~Tenors: YiHui, Stephen, Marcus, Brendan, Heath
~Basses: Michael, Jerrold, Rayston, Jerome, Clement

Thanks to the entire choir for singing a birthday song too on UNIFEM performance day.


2)To the Class people, who either did the MAKE BOBBY LAM STAY UNTIL 12AM SO WE CAN DO THE SAME MSN THINGY AND TO CUT SHORT HIS SLEEP/SMS/Came for party:

~Girls: CLARINDA(planner), LEHENG AGAIN(another planner), PeiPei, QianQian, Fangling, Tammie, Xinling (ex-gf LOL), Keepin, Anli, Claire, Beatrix, JiaYue, YinZhen, Geyi
~Guys: Erwin, Brian, Augustine, Rayston AGAIN.

Thanks so much for the pencil case (I LIKE MY GARFIELD :(:(:( ), uber cool notebook, Topman Card and BOOK ON LOVE ANSWERS (WHAT THE?!?!)


3) To the Church people, who gave me the most UNEXPECTED surprise ever by RUSHING up to the mike immediately after service ended to announce my birthday and the ENTIRE congregation ended up singing the birthday song A FEW TIMES for me while I was on STAGE and while my cake was being lit. I really couldn't have expected something like that.

~ THE ENTIRE 1130AM CONGREGATION(200+ people?)
~ From cell: Jiaxian, Eunice, Iris, Benson, Erwin, Joel, Jude, Josiah, Regina, Magen, Ernest
~ Others: Melanie, Grace, Arthur, Terry, Yangshen, Gareth, Jiemin, worship band, Cherie


4) To the other people who still remember me and cared so much about me that they smsed me from overseas:

~ CHARMAINE MEI!!! :)

5) And of course, my entire family.


Here are some of the pics of the presents I got, and as to who gave what, I shall not say Xp.

On a nother note, last night Clement and I went to HILLSONG UNITED LIVE WORSHIP CONCERT!!!!!!!!!

It's by far the best worship service I've been to, more than two hours of all their cool songs and just worshipping in spirit and in truth...

Wow..

They did like.. every fast song since 2004 More Than Life album, including King Of Majesty, and super alot of slow songs too..

I jumped like never before...

I can't believe I jumped so much last night haha..

High on spiritual energy!!

It was by far better than even last years FOP.. and I can't wait for them to come again!!

TOO BAD MARTY SAMPSON WASN'T THERE :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

If not completely owns already!!

Haha here's a pic of da ge and I with the United We Stand KOOL tee! (see all the sweat?)

- my composition for you -

These are just some of the words I came up with that I want to say to you all, who have touched me more than you'll ever know, and I can never thank you ALL enough =)


Material possesions I doth not desire,
Neither position nor credit nor power
But one thing I doth wish of thee, my dear friend
That thine be mine to cherish, here till the end


To have and to guide when thy world is down,
To be there to comfort and remove thy frown
I dare not but ask that thy thoust doth the same,
When I doth despair; help relight my flame


As we forge ahead to where seems forlorn,
With naught but each other to love and lean on,
God, give us all courage and hope and good cheer,
For with Thee and blessed friends we've naught to fear

"grow old along with me... the best is yet to be..."

Doyle Dykes - Amazing Grace

The man whom I think is the best fingerpicking guitarist this world has to offer - Doyle Dykes.


And here he is taking a simple song like Amazing Grace and turning it into something...


Amazingly breathtaking...


Just watch and you'll understand what I mean haha.


Especially at the back with all those harmonics.. and the way he carefreely plays everything..


never fails to inspire me.


Well do pardon the singing which I admit isn't bad but can't hold a candle to the playing, and just let your breat be taken away.


Once again, Doyle Dykes people.

I'm sorry I like to play around.

Okay, so I haven't been writing much interesting stuff for a while as you can tell, but there really hasn't been much going on besides the many crazy class parties, sleeping, anime and guitar playing.


Not much till today.


The majority of reasons I get angry and upset is due to my own self, but today, one of the very rare times I must admit, I got infuriated by a shop assistant.


And it really angered me how young people who look inexperienced, poor and cheap don't get proper treatment that others (grown-ups) do.


I went to one of my favourite guitar shops that I haven't been to for a long time to just play around and try out some guitars.


Well yes, when I mention a guitar shop that I like, the place usually contains acoustic guitars that cost $2500 and up, so I guess most people wouldn't dare try them.


But anyway, my dream guitar is from that brand that the shop sells, but unfortunately they didn't have the model I want, not that I'd wanna try it or buy it on the spot nevertheless.


However I do like to try them to hear the sweet, rich tones they emit and hopefully make my day by playing nice songs and tunes on them.


But guess what?


There always is the shop assistant.


I must admit, there are some that are really nice and leave a great impression on me with their friendliness and customer service.


And there are others that are complete idiots who discriminate against small boys and people who just look amateurs.


Today's assistant was a, and I don't say this very often, a complete asshole.


I walked over to my dream brand section just to look around and before I even got 1/4 way through there was a super straight:


"Can I help you?"


As I turned to look at his face, I immediately recognised that all too familiar get-away-from-those-guitars-that-you-could-never-afford-or-are-worthy-of-young-punk look on his face.


Remembering the rather friendly assistant last time, I decided to try my luck anyways.


"yeah err hi, I'd like to try out some guitars.. and I was wondering if I could try out one of these."


As if oblivious to the latter part of my statement, and being the asshole he was, he pointed me over and led me to the cheapest guitar section, especially to the ones on sale and said:


"if you want to try guitars, you should try one of these."


I'm so thankful that I had someone with me there, if not I'd have just walked out of the shop, cos I'm tired with all these kinds of people looking down on me.


So what if I am young??


If I had the capacity to buy a $5000 guitar and a complete idiot like you stopped me from trying out one, it's your stupid loss.


I mean, yeah on the other hand there are idiots who can't play for nuts and want to try out exquisite guitars and are very likely to thrash them around but, you think all young people fall straight into that category you dumb ass??


So nevermind. I just decided to shut up and play that lousy $200? guitar. Being the price that it was it really sucked but I didn't explicitly say it.


I just played about half of a ColdPlay medley that I slightly adapted from the master guitarist Doyle Dykes version as that guy loitered about but kept a strict eye on me.


If I had cut my nails I would have been able to play so much better but I forgot so my playing was only average for that rather hard to pay song.


I think he was able to notice that I wasn't some novice junk but I decided to push him till I could get to one of the guitars I wanted to play.


After putting back this cheap guitar I casually said:


"ah the action is really high on this one.." (which was true)


He tried to test me, or at least I think he did, by saying:


"If you're looking for low action then you should try out a Taylor guitar."


What? So now you trying to see if my knowledge of guitars is limited?


You want me to ask what a Taylor guitar is?


You think I don't know any other brand beside the ones in your shop? And all the other fancy brands I know nuts about??


My wife is a friggin Taylor guitar you dumbo.


Of course, all that came out was:


"Oh I already have a Taylor, and I was thinking of getting a Martin now."


I finally waltzed over to the Martin section once again and decided to test my luck.


"So can I try?"


"which one do you want?" he grunted as he stood by the cheapest lousiest Martin guitars.


I couldn't help thinking to myself what an utter idiot he was the whole time.


I didn't want to push so far so I asked to try a $2880 one.


"please be very careful with it!"


Yeah as if I didn't know that you dickwad. Do I really look that dumb to you?


And the worst part was, the strings were all rusting already.


Take care of it? You aren't.


Not wanting to care about the assistant, I began testing the guitar to check the quality.


Not bad I'll admit, it rings clear, bright and strong when strummed but not too good when I go up the register.


Final conclusion?


My wife sounds at least 5 times better. And my wife is much cheaper too.


Maybe it's cos the strings were old but the feel of the guitar overall wasn't so good.


I know this brand well.


I know the damn good guitars are over $3500 but I decided not to try them.


Especially when that ass said:


"Please don't strum the guitars so hard. They don't belong to you!"


So? I need to test the full range of volume from loud to soft to check the quality right?


And the harder I strum, the more seasoned I'm making the guitar!


More like you're the inexperienced one you unfriendly fool.


Trying to be nice once again, I apologised profusely, I mean, really alot.


At least 10 'sorry's at one go.


But guess what?


That ass didn't look as if he was about to forgive me and looked as pissed as ever.


I just gave up.


I didn't want to play anymore so I just handed back the guitar and walked off.


Yeah so what if I'm not a professional player?


So what if I'm young?


I know I can play pretty decently and I know how to make a guitar ring true and clear but if you're still going to give me that shit-faced look, then I can't be bothered with your stupid shop anymore.


If you put the guitars there just for display, hoping a pro will come along and buy one, then you can wait forever cos other shops know that the bulk of customers are not professionals.


And they make all the money.


You overprice your guitars, and my darling sounds far better than almost all you put on show.


I'll get my dream guitar someday, but not from your stupid shop.


You all don't deserve a single penny from me, not with your shit service.


I'm sorry, I don't usually get angry and I know I shouldn't be upset but sometimes I just can't help myself.


I guess a nap now will take everything away.


Goodnight world.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose" - Jim Elliot

"What we do in time echoes throughout eternity" - Maximus

That Should Be Life

OoPs sorry for the rather long absence =P


I shall now talk about something which I've been too lazy to talk about for sometime, but since so many people have asked me about it, I shall address it once and for all.


If you have so kindly noticed, I rarely tag on tagboards, both on my own and other people's.


Even if you do explicitly ask me to tag, I tend not to anyway.


Why??


Cos I think me tagging on someone's board or even my own is something SPECIAL!


Haha =P


I think it's kind of sad to tag on one's own tagboard cos it's there for other people to tag, not for yourself...


If not the tagboard will be filled with...


Half your own tags..


SO SAD RIGHT?!?


Not like my blog gets alot of tags anyway but still..


Not like I'm desperate for attention or something.


Why?


Cos I know YOU are reading my blog =D


To put it simply, I shall now classify how privileged you are with my Tag Meter:


IF I have replied to YOUR tag on my blog,

~ You are SPECIAL


IF I have gone to YOUR blog and tagged once,

~ You are QUITE SPECIAL


IF I have gone to YOUR blog and tagged more than once,

~ You are VERY SPECIAL


IF I have gone to YOUR blog, tagged, and replied YOUR reply specifically,

~ You are EXTREMELY SPECIAL, and should be thankful that you're so privileged to be on my honor roll.


IF I have gone to YOUR blog, tagged, replied your reply, replied your reply to my reply, or tagged it more than 5 times,

~ You should just go buy the 10 million dollar lottery, confirm will strike.

Either that or,

~ I have an ulterior motive

However,

~ I've never done such a thing before so TOO BAD, no millionaire's just yet.


Exception to this meter:

1. My class blog. I can't help tagging on this one haha.


So, if you happen to be so lucky, be it on my tagging spree, or cos I wanted to disturb you, or cos you pleaded me excessively, or cos I happened to care a little extra for you at that moment...


BE GRATEFUL!


Cos it'll probably never happen again.


probably.

Don't get me wrong though, I appreciate each and every one of your tags.

I really do =D

Moving along, I wrote a song entitled "That Should Be Life" last year, and I promised to come up with a second verse but I haven't done so till recently.

So yay it's finally completed.

Sorry that I can only post lyrics once again, but this is my first contemporary pop song that I ever wrote and I like it so much.

It also sort of inspired one of my classmates last year so I'm quite impressed LOL.

Well if anybody has a recording studio do let me know so I can go record it LOL, or else too bad just got to wait till I premier it on Singapore Idol 3.

That Should Be Life

© 2006 Bobby Lam

Verse One:

Funny how it is... when you fall

Suddenly realise you aren't... that great at all

And as you sit by the window, and think back

"If only I did it this way... oh what the heck..."

Pre-Chorus:

Don't you regret and don't you fret

Life's like that, gotta get on back

Don't regret, don't fret, get set LET'S GO!!

Chorus:

Open up your eyes

Look up to the sky

It's a wide horizon up there, don't stay locked up in a nightmare

Reach out to the sun

Grab on to a star

It's not like it's the end of the world, gotta keep on moving

That should be life

THE second verse =D :

Funny how the road seems to... lead to nowhere

That light at the end of the tunnel.. don't seem to be there

Funny how the mountain seems... too high to climb

Well every great achievement started

One step a time

(Back to pre-chorus and chorus)

Haha so is it nice??

Really hope I can share it someday with you guys.

Till then, cheers =D

Take Over

OoPs sorry for the rather long absence =P


I shall now talk about something which I've been too lazy to talk about for sometime, but since so many people have asked me about it, I shall address it once and for all.


If you have so kindly noticed, I rarely tag on tagboards, both on my own and other people's.


Even if you do explicitly ask me to tag, I tend not to anyway.


Why??


Cos I think me tagging on someone's board or even my own is something SPECIAL!


Haha =P


I think it's kind of sad to tag on one's own tagboard cos it's there for other people to tag, not for yourself...


If not the tagboard will be filled with...


Half your own tags..


SO SAD RIGHT?!?


Not like my blog gets alot of tags anyway but still..


Not like I'm desperate for attention or something.


Why?


Cos I know YOU are reading my blog =D


To put it simply, I shall now classify how privileged you are with my Tag Meter:


IF I have replied to YOUR tag on my blog,

~ You are SPECIAL


IF I have gone to YOUR blog and tagged once,

~ You are QUITE SPECIAL


IF I have gone to YOUR blog and tagged more than once,

~ You are VERY SPECIAL


IF I have gone to YOUR blog, tagged, and replied YOUR reply specifically,

~ You are EXTREMELY SPECIAL, and should be thankful that you're so privileged to be on my honor roll.


IF I have gone to YOUR blog, tagged, replied your reply, replied your reply to my reply, or tagged it more than 5 times,

~ You should just go buy the 10 million dollar lottery, confirm will strike.

Either that or,

~ I have an ulterior motive

However,

~ I've never done such a thing before so TOO BAD, no millionaire's just yet.


Exception to this meter:

1. My class blog. I can't help tagging on this one haha.


So, if you happen to be so lucky, be it on my tagging spree, or cos I wanted to disturb you, or cos you pleaded me excessively, or cos I happened to care a little extra for you at that moment...


BE GRATEFUL!


Cos it'll probably never happen again.


probably.

Don't get me wrong though, I appreciate each and every one of your tags.

I really do =D

Moving along, I wrote a song entitled "That Should Be Life" last year, and I promised to come up with a second verse but I haven't done so till recently.

So yay it's finally completed.

Sorry that I can only post lyrics once again, but this is my first contemporary pop song that I ever wrote and I like it so much.

It also sort of inspired one of my classmates last year so I'm quite impressed LOL.

Well if anybody has a recording studio do let me know so I can go record it LOL, or else too bad just got to wait till I premier it on Singapore Idol 3.

That Should Be Life

© 2006 Bobby Lam

Verse One:

Funny how it is... when you fall

Suddenly realise you aren't... that great at all

And as you sit by the window, and think back

"If only I did it this way... oh what the heck..."

Pre-Chorus:

Don't you regret and don't you fret

Life's like that, gotta get on back

Don't regret, don't fret, get set LET'S GO!!

Chorus:

Open up your eyes

Look up to the sky

It's a wide horizon up there, don't stay locked up in a nightmare

Reach out to the sun

Grab on to a star

It's not like it's the end of the world, gotta keep on moving

That should be life

THE second verse =D :

Funny how the road seems to... lead to nowhere

That light at the end of the tunnel.. don't seem to be there

Funny how the mountain seems... too high to climb

Well every great acheivemet started

One step a time

(Back to pre-chorus and chorus)

Haha so is it nice??

Really hope I can share it someday with you guys.

Till then, cheers =D

Chasing Cars (Grey's Anatomy Version)

HELLO!

Haha there are very few songs that come along that I actually find interesting..


These songs don't always have to have lyrics that make sense ( cos I don't understand some lyrics here) but as long as they have a nice tune..


The kind that you could sing endlessly and not get sick of..


Then I really like them.


Haha so anyways here's Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.


I don't even know what Grey's Anatomy is but the other videos really suck in quality so just have to make do with this :)


Yupp.


Chasing Cars

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
Lf I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
I've said too much
But not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

chorus again.
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is found in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here..
If I just lay here...
Would you lie with me and just forget the world...

- what is bliss? -

I don't know.


Why am I trying so hard to solve someone else's problem before my own??


Is it out of true care and concern?


At a level of good friendship??


Or is it because of something else..


Maybe altruism?


Or something deeper.. something emotional...


I don't know.


I'll never know..


And I don't want to make any wild guesses anymore..


Every single previous time has been a wild guess..


And although at the start I'm so sure I'm right, it always turns out wrong in the end.


Why did I keep throwing myself into something I still nurse the wounds of??


But this time is different isn't it?


It's different.. it really is..


It had to be for the recent events to have unfolded the way they did..


It feels completely different from every past try.. and I think it might have a different result for this once... and I can say with more certainty that it feels.. right.


But then again I'm not 100% sure...


And it's always easy to reason out something and believe in it.


And lies are terribly easy to believe it too right??


I don't know.


Back to about me, am I trying to avoid something??


Am I putting on a facade by leaving aside the problem, or will I put on more of the steeple if I were to delve into it and try solving it...


Every single previous time I've tried to solve it.. it ended back at square one again..


And I'm just getting so sick and tired of trying to put up a false front.


I've learnt all too well that I can't make people adjust to what I want them to be, and concurrently, I can't adjust to what other people want of me.


Adjust in the fullest sense of the word.


I feel as if I've evolved.. yet at the same time shrunk..


I feel so big, yet so small.


With the gravity of academics slapping me so hard...


I can't believe the audacity I had to expect what I did..


I'm a total idiot..


I have been a total idiot for the past 5 years of my life to make the same mistake again and again..


What now shall I do?


Pick myself up and take each day as it comes?


But with each new day I carry the worries of the previous one along with me??


I don't have a choice I guess...


Life gets so much more complicated from here on..


I don't know.

- brace myself -

I never expected to be more busy after my promos than before it but..


It now seems that I assumed wrong lol.


With all the many activites, past (OPEN HOUSE), present (PW & CHINESE :() and future (KI PAPER 3 & SATS), I suddenly feel as if getting by the promos is no big deal.


That being said, I also don't want to get back my results anymore..


I think all my hopes of taking H3 Econs.. have diminished..


Sigh...


Haha okay I don't intend to be depressing today so on a lighter note, yes I do have braces now.


The brackets are Red, Blue and Gold in colour.


I'm so patriotic right??


I smile ACJC =D


It was kinda dumb.. cos right, they put a numbing thing which lasts for a few hours when they install the braces, so I was happily eating mcdonalds after I got it done on monday without any problems.


However, that night, as I bit a slice of toast bread for dinner..


OMY FREAK I ALMOST SCREAMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


MY 4 FRONT TEETH WERE UBERRRRRRR PAINFUL LAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!


I almost completely lost my appetite there and then but luckily I didn't.


The ironic thing was, the very next morning, less than 24 hours after I got the braces and almost killed myself the night before, I ate fried squid from the taste of the orient stall.


My methodology was simple:


Cut it up and chew with my molars :)


However, I forgot to see two things.


->That the fried squid is actually very stubbornly hard.


->That my molar gum muscles get very tired very quickly.


My entire breakfast ended up with me trying to dissolve the fried squid with my saliva before swallowing it whole...


Not a very pleasurable and comfortable process I must say...


Oh well so the only thing I haven't done with my braces is had a meal of porridge, which just about everybody else did when they got them LOL.


It's quite funny, suddenly having so many people grinning weirdly at me and pestering me to smile..


And also quite funny that all the people with/who have had braces giving me advice haha.


Oh I also found out something..


The painkillers that my doctor gave me?


Don't work.


What good news.


Haha well at least all the pain is gone now, but for the past two days it was really irritating and quite painful at times.


Brushing my teeth has also now become alot more painstakingly slow.


Ahh at least the pain was unable to deter me sleeping peacefully :)


Okays I'm going back to the mundanity of chinese now.. :(


If you haven't seen my braces and are terribly curious to see how weird I look, you can try asking me to grin for you.


Whether I decide to show you or not is an entirely different matter:P


Tata.

- Till I -

WHOAR I think the word ' FUN ' is not enough to describe my day LOL!!!

1SA<3 SENTOSA OUTING

Haha I will give a detailed update when I get the photos..



Anyhow as much as I want to, I can't afford to have so much fun anymore..

With the SATs on Dec 2nd, the KI Paper 3 4500 word Assignment for which my proposal to UCLES is due in February, PROJECT WORK at the end of the month, and of course CHINESE on nov 3rd..

I'm seriously gonna have to push myself to the limit haha..

But yeah I guess to get into Cornell hard work is a necessity..

Woar.. Like one year ago in Barker... I wouldn't even have dreamed about these things lah..

Now it doesn't seem so crazily impossible anymore...

I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haha.. well besides acad...

I know I'm forcing myself not to do anything..

I can't... I just don't have enough time..

And I'm not too sure whether this is the rebound effect...



Anyway, I have been searching for a song I wrote last year for a long time..

To me, it's the best song I've ever written yet for an out-of-worship context, and I was so sad when I couldn't find where I had stored it..

Well while looking through my folders today, I FINALLY FOUND IT AGAIN!!!

It was a song I wrote for my sisters wedding but...

Unfortunately it wasn't 'wedding' enough to be performed...

Oh well..

I'd just like to share it with you all anyways, even if it's just the lyrics.

I sure hope I'd get to perform it sometime to share the song with everyone, maybe during Arts Night next year haha.

Okay that's all for today.

Here it is:


Till I
©Bobby Lam 2005

Verse 1:
The first thing I notice as I wake up is the sunlight,
Streaming through my window
The dawn over the land

The first things I notice as I step out are the flowers,
Blooming with such beauty
Swaying in the breeze

And I can't help...

Pre-Chorus 1:
But think to myself, 'who's this painter?
Who paints these landscapes and these portraits?
Who's my artist and my sculptor,
Who gave me life and gave me hope?'

Chorus:
And I thank You
For You are faithful and true
Everything You have said you will do
Each morning Your mercies are new
And I love You
Can't express my joy but to praise You
And trust You in all that I do
Live loud till I meet You,
Till I meet You...

Verse 2:
The first things I cherish as I go about are the people,
People who are concerned for me
My friends and my family

The first I recall as I start to frown is the promise
That I'm never alone
There's always One who cares for me

And I can't help...

Pre-Chorus 2:
But think to myself who's my master
Who gave me friends who make my day?
Who's my closest friend and guardian
Who's grace will guide me all the way?


Verse 3:
The first things I notice as I off the lights are the stars
Shining in the night sky
Sparkling with such delight

The last thing I notice as I close my eyes is the comfort
And inexplicable peace
Knowing tomorrow will be fine

And I can't help...

Pre-Chorus 3:
But think to myself, who's this giver,
Who gives me strength to face each day?
Who's my angel who watches o'er me,
Who makes me burst with passion to say...

"... I thank You
For You are faithful and true
Everything You have
said you will do
Each morning Your mercies are new
And I love You
Can't express my joy but to praise You
And trust You in all that I do
Live loud till I meet You,
Till I meet You...

Till I meet
You..."